Middle of the afternoon...half in the bag...that means drunk to you kids...I feel like I need to elaborate more on my life...ha ha...the "Life and Times of Half Beard"..."As the Half Beard Turns"...oh man I could go on forever...
Anyways...I wasn't always this back stabbing, deceitful and shady(hmmm...that sentence reminds me of song...), I used to be a real good guy. You see much like some Super Hero's my Half Beard has the uncanny ability to grow on command...weird? I think not.
See now I could bore you with stories of heroism and courage, how I saved this person, fought this bad guy, saved the world...blah blah blah...I mean shit, I'm Half Beard...you just know I'm the shit.
Picture me rolling six pack in hand...stupid ass cat stuck in a tree...without missing a beat my Half Beard grows and grabs that stupid cat out of that tree... I drop his ass from 6 feet though, just to make sure that whole landing on their feet thing still works. Damn I say as it does and his furry tail runs off.
But yea I did all that "Captain Half Beard" shit...It was fun for awhile...I mean I got pussy every night...women kinda like the Half Beard...motorboat anyone?? You feel me I know it...
But listen Super Hero's don't get paid man. You gotta have that "others are more important than me" shit in your heart...well that ain't me...I gotta eat you know, plus rent...and I can't fly...sure I can swing around on my Half Beard just fine...but after about the first 15 minutes I start getting a neck cramp, swinging around on a Half Beard makes me lean to the left...shit hurts.
Well listen I gotta run to the corner store...running a little low on that drink...I'll be back when i get back...maybe I will tell you some real stories...
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