Friday, September 19, 2008

So there I was, walking through the tunnel, crowd screaming, music blasting, security on the sides, I can see the light, it's getting closer, this is the moment we have been waiting for, as we enter the light, hands come raining down, the crowd gets louder, this is the moment that will define us, our team, our training, our judgment, our future, all the months of training, the Half Beard sparring, if you can beat a Half Beard, no one stands in your way, except maybe another Half Beard, as we walk the questions come: Did we take this too lightly? Did we train too hard? Are we too confident? Are those titties real? Is that a man or a woman? Shit.
Ok..time for the pep talk..I tell him listen man, you got this...this is a cake walk for us, your gonna breeze through this motherfucker just you always are the fuckin man! There is no question that dude ain't got what it takes to beat the fuck could he? He can't thats the bottom line. Now get in there and fuck him up.
So I stand outside the Ocho, Half Beard nicely trimmed, heart racing, as it always does about this time. Again the second guessing comes into play, I mean a Half Beard training regimen ain't no joke. We had him grow a full beard, under water. Beard pull ups, push ups, then the sparring. 3 hours straight non stop spinning Half Beards, Superman Half Beards, Half Beard guillotines, listen you name the shit we did it. We covered all the bases.
Ok...first round that dude dances way too much...I tell him...dude just bring him the action...takes this dude out...this is your future man...right now.


Well guess the fuck what...........

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Here's a little story that I'd like to tell
about a little Half Beard
crazy as hell
It started way back in history
Living on a planet with no visible trees,
I lived with my mom
we stayed underground
i had a bunch of tools
i liked to tinker around
I built myself a robot
he followed me around

One day a man came talkin bout the end
he said i was the savior
I said Im just a Half Beard
i'll see ya later

He said no way
you need to do me a favor
Come back with me and see your mom later
We got to start your training to become the balance
the force needs you
so stop with the antics..

I had no choice
we loaded on his ship
we got to the council
it was a short trip
he wouldnt let me fly or
even touch the console

A bunch of old dudes sittin in a circle
one was green
like a mutant turtle
the green one said
in his weird voice
what a choice made have you my friend
a little Half Beard brought us you have
Sense much fear
I do in him
balance to the force he will not bring..

Obi Won says to the little wrinkled turtle
i know his Half Beard is nothin but stubble
He will bring balance to the force
not trouble
Lets start his training
on the double

So this starts a story
about my life
bringing balance to the force
leaving out the strife
come back soon
stop staring at the moon
i hope you were able
to figure out the tune...

Part 1?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Something a little Half Beard-ish....enjoy!
(hint:shave him fully)
Sorry folks, I had to remove the Shaving Game...the noise it made was driving me nutz.
You can find the Game HERE.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

"In a world, where Half of my Beard was totally gone, a new wind was about to blow, no more shaving, this time it's for real."
"Throughout history man has marveled at the vast complexity of the Half Beard, without a single unified voice, humanity has been left searching for answers to the origin of the Half Beard, now one man has the power to change that, and that man is me, Half Beard!"
"Grab your joystick, the 80's are back, it's Half Beard, blogging this year."
"In a time when Half Beard is unavailable, one email holds the key to your communication with him."
"This day, presents Half Beard the blogger, and the biggest load of bull blog ever, in the blogging event 28 years in the making."

R.I.P. Don LaFontaine 1940- 2008