The Legend of Half Beard

It's Friday folks. And what does that mean? Absolutely nothing.
At least that's how I felt when I woke up this morning. Then it happened. The little red phone, that sits in my one room apartment, in the corner, on a carefully stacked tower made out of beer cans, rang. At first I really didn't notice. I was preoccupied with trimming my Half Beard. I brushed it off, turning the Sawzall I use to shave, off only for a second. Then it happened again, the phone rang. I ran to the phone, picked up the receiver,silence. Fucking douche bag I say, and slam down the phone. It's a rotary phone mind you, so I can't use *69 or any of those other fancy tricks, like caller id. So Half Beard half shaven, I grab a beer, of course. I get curious at this point because only a few people actually have the number to the little red phone. Back in the day when I was saving asses, the mayor and other high paid assholes would call me on that line to ask for help.
In mid thought, the phone rings again, this time I dive like a crazy man, spilling my nice tower all over the room.
Who is on the other end you ask? Well none other than Bruce "I can't decide if im good or evil, I miss my daddy, I hate furry little bats" Wayne. Im really quite speechless at this point since I haven't spoke to him since that whole Cat Woman incident. I'll tell you more about that later, but let me get to the point of his call. He is all in a frantic rage, speaking in questions and riddles. He is on the phone literally saying to me, "Whom,Who,What,Where,god dammit, Why, How,To whom it may concern,Bats, god damn bats I tell you"...I yell into phone to get his attention, " Bruce you little rich bastard shut the fuck up, what is the problem man?" "Again with the questions!" he says to me. I hang up.
This shit is ridiculous.
My fax starts to ring at this point(how do I have my fax connected to my rotary phone? Don't worry about it, Im Half Beard), you will never guess what comes through. This :
Holy bird flu Batman! Is it true? Does the one and only Batman need Half Beard's help in figuring out who Batman is? Or is this just some lame attempt by Batman to have me help him catch some guy named the Riddler? Who knows? Will Half Beard ever know? Will the corner bar ever get Schlitz on tap? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? Who the fuck cares? Anyone? Is there anybody out there?
Whoa.
That Riddler is a powerful dude. No wonder Bruce was acting the way he was. At this point Im not sure I much give a damn. Maybe I will think differently in the morning. Saturdays...ahh...gotta love Saturdays.