You know that one day, that one that always sticks with ya? The one that you can always use as a great story when meeting new people. Yea you know.
Well let me tell you about one of those days. I have many, being a Half Beard n all.
Like usual, there I was minding my own business, trying to eat breakfast. Now I dont normally get up that early, so eating a good breakfast, when it happens, is kind of a big deal to me. Triple stack, bacon, sausage, over easy eggs, some biscuits n gravy, and a waffle. Yep, just one waffle, a little whip cream and strawberries. This is the kind of breakfast that you get when you have been out drinking all night, fat greasy goodness.
So im about halfway through my meal when the waitress comes over, she's the one thats way too old, way too fat, and way too fuckin dirty to be serving food products. She says to me, in that Janice Joplin voice:
"Hey hon, dhose two guys at da bar, dhey been askin bout you, askin me if i knows you n shit."
"So what did you tell them?"
"Listen muthafucka, I already got dhem guys askin me questions, I dont need you doin da same, Ima tell you what im told em when im ready..."
"So why the hell did you bring it up, if you arent gonna tell me?"
"Pshh, impatient ass muthafucka aint ya, listen, I dont know you from nothin, that's what I told dhem, mattafact i aint got no time for dhis bullshit, you gonna tip me or what? My shift ova."
I did tip her, and while her attitude was shitty, she did find a decent bone in her gut to tell me these black suit guys were asking about me.
There goes my great breakfast. Right.
I bet your probably wondering how I got out the restaurant, your thinking im on some Jason Bourne type shit? Nope, i aint Batman either. It's always just me and my Half Beard, i have no fancy gadgets, no utility belt, no fuckin cape.
This is what i did, i had the waitress bring the manager to my table. I told him his fatass waitress deserved a raise for being the least dirtiest staff member he had in the building. Then i informed him that those two suits were celebrating their birthdays, twin brothers i told him. This wasnt exactly an Applebees, but they got the staff together and brought them a cake, surrounded them and sang a horribly off key version of Happy Birthday. I slipped out the back.
Running down the alley, im trying to figure out who these guys are and why they were asking about me. I've been fairly low key lately.
to be continued....
