Nuggets of Truth - Terry Jones: Man, Preacher, Ass-hat

OK, I know I already mentioned how much of a douche this guy is, but I just want to lay some things on the line about this posting, and this entire blog in general.

I judge, and I am right.

If I deem someone an asshat, then they are a top-of-the-line quality, Gucci, asshat. The type that celebrities would spend one month's worth of their income just to have a picture taken with it. Betsey Johnson wishes she had designed this asshat. So yeah, it's kind of a big deal.

Also, let it be known that Half Beard is perfect. My ideas are flawless. Much like Fernando Vina's goatee.

Beautiful, isn't it? That being said, if you do find a flaw in my logic or ideas, it is entirely intentional. If you could not find any flaws in ANY idea I had, it would crush your mind. So when you have the urge to try and contradict me, don't. I am already aware, and made it such so it will spare your fragile intellect. All spelling and grammar mistakes is simply me being lazy.

Now, back to the retired Village People guy, Terry Jones.

Seriously man, burning a holy book? I know you pussied out and didn't actually do it, but still, just the fact that you thought it was a good idea is one that baffles even me! Normally I am all about people doing stupid shit, but there is a fine line between "Hey, lets burn some shit with our lighters! It will be fun! Nothing could go wrong!" and "Hey, lets alienate an entire religion of people by publicly destroying the gospel that they hold dear, practically pissing in their dogmatic eye, thus causing them to brim with hatred and associate us and the entire country as infidels, which will probably then cause more destruction and human death in the future! It will be fun! Nothing could go wrong!" Shit, I don't know how drunk i would have to be to even consider this idea.

It all comes down to consequence of actions. You steal something, you got free shit. You steal something and get caught, you get in trouble. You get drunk and fall down the stairs, you lose your baby. You publicly threaten to burn the Koran, people will think you are an asshole.

Now, take from this what you will, and i may be speaking out of both sides of my mouth, but intrinsically, there is nothing wrong with the burning of the Koran. The action itself should cause no emotion whatsoever. It is simply the starting of a natural chemical reaction. It is the emotions and intentions behind that action that I take offense to. Unless there is a SERIOUS fuel shortage that Mr. Terry Jones and the rest of the government neglected to tell us about, there would be no other reason to do this than to spread a message of hate. To do this is to say "I am intolerant of other religions, and I welcome destruction and violence, and I am an all-around dickweed."

Between this crazy religious fuck, and the Islamic crazy religious fucks, and all the other crazy religious fucks, shouldn't we just outlaw religion? Seems like an easy decision. No religion, no reason to get your panties in a bunch. Then we can just go back to the days of crazy people doing crazy shit because they are crazy, not because of religion.

Brought to you by religion.

Back For The First Time

Actually that title makes perfect sense, since when I did leave, I never officially came back until now. HAHA....

So. Muthafukin Half Beard. Thats right, it's me. I know you have missed me, and i'm there are a few of you wondering where I have been. And if you haven't been wondering, well fuck you, die slow.

So my official parting post mentioned some things about the government and them sending me on a "bad spy" like vacation. That happened. However it was far from a vacation. Let me tell you some of the details.

First, I got kidnapped like I was touring through Mexico, however my captors were no match for my Half Beard, I shook those bitches like Mike shook babies.

Second attempt consisted of a big tittie bitch and booze. See the problem with their planning however, was that Half Beard is immune to most drugs, so the roofies she slipped me only made me perform better. You see the exact opposite is true for women, they can not resist the Half Beard. They would've been better off hiring a tranny like Boy George, but I would've just kicked his pussy/dick ass.

Now they say the third times a charm. It wasn't.

After about the 13th try, I honestly just got bored and turned myself in. I said what the fuck is the worst thing they can do to me? Turns out nothing. I mean fuck a water board, in extreme water hazards, my Half Beard just grows gills. I'm like Thor and Aqua Man combined, when I need to be. Shout out to my fellow shape shifters.

Turns out this entire time they wanted to question me about some towers that fell. I'm not one to lie, so I admitted it. Hell yea I knocked them bitches down. I set up the plan and I put into motion. Well if you know anything about our government, you know that was enough for them. Guantanamo Bay - The hardest 9 to 5 you'll ever have, or at least that's what they told me. Shit was easy. I could've left anytime I wanted to, but the other prisoners in there had all sorts of knowledge on bomb building, plane flying and some other shit about virgins I never truly understood. So I soaked up as much knowledge as could while I was there. Turns out, that in my never ending quest for knowledge, I learn that the towers these government bastards were talking about are the Twin Towers from 9/11.

Imagine my surprise. These government fools think I admitted to orchestrating the 9/11 attacks on our country. During my questioning, they never once mentioned those towers specifically. What I was admitting to, was knocking down the towers this little whiny baby was building in the park one day. I swear this kid was retarded or half dead. He just kept building the same fucking towers over and over, they would fall and he would cry. Finally I had enough, whiffle ball bat in hand, I pelted each fucking block across the park. The little goat cried and waddled his little ass over to pick them up while mommy sipped her Starbucks and played with her cell phone.

Don't get me wrong, I suppose I should've asked more questions myself, but they were trying so hard to catch me, that I felt bad for them. I figured I would end the Half and mouse chase and get on with my life. once I figured out the truth, or what they thought was the truth, I busted out of that shit hole. Left those bomb sucking virgin lovers there to rot. Supposedly they will get their day in court, but thats none of my concern. I don't pay taxes.

So there you have it, that is, for the most part where I have been these last few years. The whole tower incident was a tragedy and I'm not trying to make light of it at all, but maybe our government should have hired me to protect them in the first place. Just sayin...

Hopefully the final final test post...

No post should be left behind....

Click the like button, add me as your friend, tell your mom, follow me on twitter...you know the drill

Burn Baby Burn

Half Beard says shame on this asshole:


So apparently this jackass has been pressured by the man to stop his book burning.
Check the story here

As you all know, Half Beard is his own religion. So I have no beef with people who want to burn books of a different religion, mainly because the "Book Of Half Beard" wrote those books in the first place. That's right, even the "Book Of Half Beard" writes books.

What really pisses Half Beard off though is this guy making such a big deal out of this and really trying to stick it to people's emotions. Now we find out he's calling the whole thing off. Pussy. Fight for your right man. Half Beard lost Half his Beard so you could be free. So you could say what you want, when you want and how the fuck you want. Somebody assassinate this idiot before the government does.

The Most Interesting Man?

So I've been away for abit...and I'm back now. They got this cool service called Google. So I run a search for myself. This bozo shows up. Now I don't know who the fuck he thinks he is, but he def isnt a Half Beard. We all know that Half Beards, particularly myself, are by far the most interesting bastards on the planet. Scroll down and read some of our previous posts. We've been gone, but we got stories to tell. So stay tuned.